It's Like Watching Dawson's Creek
by Starrika
Summary: Crack!fic. Rosalie and Leah have a discussion at the treaty line about the problem with Bella. Rosalie has a great idea.


Crack!fic born from the statement, "In my head, Rosalie and Leah Clearwater have bitchfests on the treaty line about Bella's lack of backbone."

* * *

_"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass." - Maya Angelou_

* * *

"I honestly don't understand."

"What?" Leah took a long drag of her cigarette and glared at her.

"Well, Edward I understand. It's all about the mystery. It's the first time in his life – and I mean his _whole_ life – that he's had to work for something," Rosalie said. She had her back up against a tree, legs stretched out inches from the treaty line. Leah stood, towering over her, on her side of the invisible line.

"Boo fucking hoo," Leah replied, rolling her eyes.

Rosalie rolled her own. "It's Jacob I don't understand," she said, after a pause. "Or Mike Newton. Or Tyler-whatever-his-name-is. _What_ is it about _her_?"

"As if I know," Leah muttered. "For some reason she's fucking perfect."

If Rosalie suspected she wasn't talking about Bella, well, she didn't say anything. "It's not as if she has any personality. Literally. You call us leeches," she said with a hollow laugh. "And yet. She's the one leeching personality off everyone else in the room."

"Thank you!" The words exploded out of Leah's mouth, as if she had been trying to hold them back. "She's not a _person_! She's – she's an emotional black hole," Leah subsided, more muttering to herself.

Rosalie didn't have trouble hearing her. "She wants so desperately to be a vampire. She only sees the good – she's literally blinded when Edward walks into a room."

"It's not any better when he's gone – then she really _is_ a fucking black hole," Leah retorted, taking another drag of her cigarette.

"I just want to shake her," Rosalie muttered. "She doesn't love Edward. She worships him – and there's a difference."

"And then it's 'Oh, Jacob, I love you too,'" Leah imitated in a high voice that sounded nothing like Bella's. "It's _not_ love. She's so fucking _needy_."

Rosalie bit her lip, prudently deciding not to mention the gossip she'd heard about Leah and _needy_. She was on the other side of the treaty line, but she wasn't an idiot. She was silent for a long moment. "I never – _never_ – wanted this for myself," she admitted. "And she refuses to actually _think_ about the situation. Her family, her friends. The Volturi aren't exactly coming after her tomorrow if she doesn't change."

"How could you _want_ to be a bloodsucker?" Leah said with disgust. "Makes me fucking sick."

Leah's body language had relaxed. "I don't think she does," Rosalie said slowly. If Alice had told her she'd be having this conversation with a werewolf, she would have laughed in her face. Not that Alice could have predicted this anyway. "Jasper says she's terrified. She's rushing headlong into making herself into what she thinks Edward wants her to be, and neither one of them are grown up enough to have a serious conversation about it. It's all teenage melodrama."

"Is that part of the package deal, then?" Leah said sarcastically. There was a tint of humor in her voice. "Become a mythical creature and join the cast of Dawson's Creek?"

Rosalie genuinely laughed. "Yes. The requisite love triangle is part of the deal."

Leah took another drag of her cigarette. "Isn't this about the time where she chooses herself, then?" she said sourly. "Goes off to fucking discover herself, hurts everyone in the process, but on the positive, stays the fuck away for a long time?"

It was an idea. "College, I think they call that," Rosalie said slowly.

Leah cocked her head in Rosalie's direction. "What?" she demanded.

"She should go to college," Rosalie said. She was still speaking slowly, as if she were thinking hard.

"Lucky bitch," Leah muttered. She stamped out the butt of her last cigarette and lit another one.

"I have an idea," Rosalie said directly. "I have no idea how I'm going to tolerate being in your presence for so long, but I suppose I will learn to manage."

"What?" Leah repeated again, sounding like a broken record. Her body had gone from relaxed to defensive.

"You were planning to go to college – before," Rosalie prompted. The bitter look on Leah's face said it all. "You're going now," she told her in an authoritarian tone.

"What?" Leah ground out, sounding more like a growl.

"We are going to college. You, me, and Bella. Far, far away from this mess. Bella's choosing herself," she said with a harsh laugh. "Even if she doesn't want to."

* * *

AN: I might continue this, if inspiration hits, but I felt like it was crack!ish enough to stand on its own.


End file.
